Conflict Resolution

What are words that we think of when we hear the word conflict:

War, power,stress, expectations, fear, rejection. 

Rejection is one of the main reasons we choose to avoid conflict.  As I quoted in your bulletin…  You cannot really resolve conflict and at the same time want to please people.  Conflict is not an event, it is a process and so you have to be able to deal with the tension.  Staying underneath the process requires perseverance.  There is no one size fits all formula.    

Your belief about conflict will greatly affect how you engage in it or your lack of engagement. 

Some people might look at conflict in a “mind map” sort of way and see this as  a psychological thing….

(look at slide)

Some of you may look at conflict as more of a personality type of thing and see 4 basic types

I’m going to look at from more of a graph

The negative side of conflict is:

   Competive – I must win at all costs

   Avoid and withdraw – I will not engage and stuff my feelings, beliefs and ideas deep within

A neutral approach to conflict is to accommodate; however if this constantly happens, it eventually leads to bitterness, may damage trust.  When you come the attitude is what do you want now.

Compromise - allows diverse opinion to work together.  Transactional. I do this,you do that.  Might lead to mission confusion, keep something that is working but does not fit the mission

Collaborative - may slow the process down, but is the highest form of resolution.

Conflict does cause tension; however tension is an essential component for our personal growth and maturity.

This morning I want us to look at answering the question   How do we end conflict in a way that glorifies God?

I believe there are three truths that we may need to embrace and it may include all three truths or possibly just one of these truths or a combination.

1.                    We end conflict well when we learn to agree to disagree.  Compromise

2.                    We end conflict well when we confess our sins.  Confess

3.                    We end conflict well when our perspective has changed.  Collaborate

1.       We end conflict well when we learn to agree to disagree.

A case study in conflict resolution.  Acts 13:13; 15:36-41

In Acts 13, Paul and Barnabus are commissioned to go out on a missionary journey to share the good news of Jesus.  They begin with a travelling companion,  John and their first stop is in Cyprus

5When they arrived at Salamis, they proclaimed the word of God in the Jewish synagogues. John was with them as their helper.

Then at their next stop in Pisidian Antioch, we notice this:

13From Paphos, Paul and his companions sailed to Perga in Pamphylia, where John left them to return to Jerusalem.

We pick up the story in Acts 15

36Some time later Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us go back and visit the believers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing.” 37Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, 38but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. 39They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, 40but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the believers to the grace of the Lord. 41He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.

Earlier in the series I spoke about Paul’s personality as one who was a planter.  You could also say that he was a A-type personality. He was driven, a much focused man.  When you listen to verses on how he described the Christian’s life, it resonates with perseverance, running the race, laying aside every weight.  1 Corinthians 9:26  He wanted to surround himself with similar type people.

Paul made a judgement call on Mark’s abilities based on his past performance.  You may have heard the saying “past performance determines future behavior”…  well, Paul lived by that.

Enter Barnabus and his name means “son of encouragement”.  I believe he saw something in John Mark that others didn’t see.  He may have seen someone with great potential.  He may have seen someone who needed a second chance.  He may have seen someone who had been written off but he was going to be used of God to bring out the best in him. 

Don’t forget it was Barnabus who was the first person to really vouch for Paul after Ananias initially prayed for Paul to be filled with the HS.

Acts 9: 27But Barnabas took him and brought him to the apostles. He told them how Saul on his journey had seen the Lord and that the Lord had spoken to him, and how in Damascus he had preached fearlessly in the name of Jesus.

 Acts 11: 25Then Barnabas went to Tarsus to look for Saul, 26and when he found him, he brought him to Antioch. So for a whole year Barnabas and Saul met with the church and taught great numbers of people.

You can imagine how many Christians really wanted to trust Paul (formerly Saul)

It was a sharp disagreement. 

When someone raises their voice, some might view this as fighting and others simply as just the ‘entry into the debate’.  There is no mention that Barnabus or Paul had sinned in this situation.  However, it is clear that it most likely was a heated exchange and no doubt there was tension in the room where they had their discussion.

If I could quote Rodney Cooper again he states,   as Christians we have come to believe that anger is sinful and as such we suffer from over controlled hostility. There is an appropriate anger, which is not an explosive anger.

There is a couple of sayings out there that sound biblical, but they are not:

If you can’t say something nice about someone, you should not say anything at all or can’t we just get along?  

   

They are simply conflict avoiders and they really don’t serve us any good in the end.  Conflict is not a sign of disloyalty because if it is done well, it can build even a stronger trust and respect for one another.

•             The art of listening

When we agree to disagree, we must first be willing to listen to each other’s point of view.

•             The art of humility

It is the realization that I may be wrong.

While serving as a youth pastor in a previous church, I had a youth leadership team that were always looking for new ways to reach out to the youth in the community.  We had some great "extreme sport" youthleaders!

I had a strong disagreement with some people in the church over the amount of black marks on the gym walls created by the skateboards. They were of the firm belief that this was lack of respect for the church building.  I also had people who saw youth wearing hats in a church service as again a lack of respect for God.  I was of the mindset that I was just excited to see them in a church service and I believed that God could overlook their hats and if that was a real concern to God, He could convict them of that.

I have also had disagreements with others about people and their potential

As a student, I had disagreements about eschatology… the study of end times.

2.            We end conflict well when we confess our sin

James 5:16  Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

Again, let’s affirm that not all conflict is sin; however when in conflict there is certainly the potential for sin and when we have crossed the line from a place of passion in our viewpoint to one that displays one of the following qualities, there is a need for confession with those around us.

In our human weakness we can either result to brute force, go for the knockout punch, or grace.  We need to sort out your own situation after conflict.  We should not let unresolved conflict fester indefinitely.  We need to admit (acknowledge) where we are at.  Here are a few potential sins in conflict.

•             defensiveness -   It is human nature to defend ourselves to the point of not admitting our mistakes.   SIN   It is defined as constantly protecting oneself from criticism, exposure of one's shortcomings, or other real or perceived threats to the ego.

•             intimidation – It is the use of a forceful nature to belittle someone else’s point of view.  SIN  It is filling someone else with fear as a result of our threats or ‘browbeating’

•             ignorance – Ignorance is a sin when we continue to live in it after being made aware of the truth. 

It is part of the futility of thinking in Ephesians 4:18They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their

We need to come back and confess our sin when we have fallen short.

  

3.            We end conflict well when our perspective has changed

•             perspective on truth

When someone graciously shows us a new way to understand the Word of God, it takes humility.

A case in point is this very message.  My original title was how to redeem conflict that has gone bad and my original thought was that Paul had sinned in this situation and had judged John Mark prematurely.  However, it was Bryan who pointed out to me that there is no indication that any sin took place in

•             perspective on an individual

2 Timothy 4:11 Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry.

Colossians 4:10My fellow prisoner Aristarchus sends you his greetings, as does Mark, the cousin of Barnabas. (You have received instructions about him; if he comes to you, welcome him.

Clearly something had taken place over time that had enabled Paul to gain a different perspective on John Mark.

In time, God had enabled him to look at John Mark differently.

In God’s family, we should never get to the place where we “write someone off”!

•             perspective on a situation

Two very different perspectives on the same situation:

Psalm 137:1By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down, yes, we wept, when we remembered Zion. 2We hanged our harps on the willows in the middle thereof. 3For there they that carried us away captive required of us a song; and they that wasted us required of us mirth, saying, Sing us one of the songs of Zion

Ezekiel 1:1 In my thirtieth year, in the fourth month on the fifth day, while I was among the exiles by the Kebar River, the heavens were opened and I saw visions of God.

www.peacemaker.net

 Words play a key role in almost every conflict. When used properly, words promote understanding and encourage agreement. When misused, they usually aggravate conflicts and drive people further apart. If your words seem to do more harm than good when you try to resolve a disagreement, don’t give up. With God’s help you can improve your ability to communicate constructively.

Conflict can truly be our ally when it allows us to:

• exposes problems and where we may have blindspots.
• build relational capital - if you go through a conflict with someone, you feel like you can go through anything!
• provides clarity.  We really can get to the depth of what we are really feeling and communicate it.

As we seek to resolve conflict, may we learn the principles that we can agree to disagree and still show love to one another.  God doesn’t call us to uniformity but unity.  There is rich diversity in the body of Christ and we need to understand and appreciate that as we see from all the different parts of the body in 1 Corinthians 12….some parts of the body may have stronger preference.

May we learn to graciously confess our sin when it has become an offence to another and may we gain a new perspective every day on the undeserved grace and favor that God has shown us  in that He does not treat us as our sins deserve  

Psalm 103:10  MSG

God is sheer mercy and grace;
    not easily angered, he’s rich in love.
He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold,
    nor hold grudges forever.
He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve,
    nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As high as heaven is over the earth,
    so strong is his love to those who fear him.
And as far as sunrise is from sunset,
    he has separated us from our sins.

Thanks to the sacrifice of His Son and the shed blood of His forgiveness, God has a new perspective on US. 

Ephesians 2:1-5 MSG   It wasn't so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It's a wonder God didn't lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ

Stay Young Grace!

Today we are celebrating young families as we dedicate 7 children to the LORD; and my desire for today will be that as a church will hear, focus, give attention to the calling of raising up the next generation. 

Just as a church cannot survive unless it reaches out to young families, so spiritually, we also need to stay young!  We can all think of churches that closed their doors because they were all too focused on themselves.  If a church does not have new, young babes in Christ, it will simply grow old and not reproduce. 

This is a message for parents, but it is also a message and a calling for us to embrace  what it means to be spiritual parents. 

Parents are the primary nurturers of their children’s faith

Parenting is the ultimate form of discipleship.  There is no substitute for a godly home where God is on display in our lives.

The danger we all face is living on yesterday’s stories or for some of you living on the spiritual bank account of your heritage or the faith of your parents

We as the children of our heavenly Father need more and more to ask him to provide us with his knowledge, wisdom, guidance, and power to become the godly parents and grandparents he wants us to be. We need to be praying not only for ourselves and the other parents we know, but also for our children and their children, as well as for the children all around us who are struggling.

The question I want to answer today is:   How do we stay young, vibrant, alive as a church?

Shema Yisrael, Adonai  eloheinu, Adonai  echad.

What is that you ask?  THE SCHEMA of course!

It was 3,500 years ago that the nation of Israel first began to recite those words and continue to do so in the synagogues. Still to this day, Jews still recite those words.  It takes place twice a day every day as the closing words of their morning and evening prayer or worship.

In spite of all of Israel direct disobedience, impatience and forgetfulness,  God spared them in his mercy and kept his promise.  He brought them to the land he had promised—the Promised Land.  Now, after 400 years in Egypt and after 40 years of wandering in the desert, they were finally about to set foot into their new home.  But before they did, Moses stood up to deliver his farewell speech and one last encouragement to the people.

The Hebrew word Schema  means to HEAR and we see it multiple times in  Deuteronomy 6

The ENGLISH word “hear” means to  “listen with ATTENTION,” to “gain understanding,  to “LEARN.”  It’s more than your ears.  In Hebrew, to listen is to understand, to “walk in the shoes” of the person who is speaking to you; to care enough about them to listen with the heart, to honestly heed the one who speaks.

Hear with a heart to obey!  This is how we will stay young and not die in the wilderness of sin and unbelief.

3 THINGS that will answer the question on how we are to stay young.

1.       Love God with everything that is within you.

2.       Impress His commands on your children – when God shows up in your life, when He reveals a life changing truth…

3.       Let your faith intersect every area of your life

1.            Love God with everything that is within you. 6:1-6

What is going on here?

An example is found in today’s verse.  In English, the words appear to be simply singular, but in Hebrew they are more.  Biblical exegetes point out that “Lord” is “YHWH” (“Jehovah” or “Yahweh”), but “God” here is the PLURAL form of  “Elohim” The word chosen carefully by the Holy Spirit for “One” is “Echad,” which is often a COMPOUND “one” in the Hebrew language.  It is like saying, “One (echad) BUNCH of grapes”.  Absolute oneness (one grape) would require the word “Yacheed,” which is never used for the unity of the Godhead in Scripture.  Deuteronomy 6:4 actually says, “Hear, O Israel: The Yahweh our Gods, the Yahweh is a Compound (plural) One.”  To many, those are fighting words, for you can find the “Trinity” (God is Three in One) in this verse.

Jesus referred to this command - Mark 12:28-30; Matthew 22:37; Luke 10:27;

These commands are to be on your hearts ; however who places these commands on our heart?

It is the Holy Spirit!

Hebrews 10:15 The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this. First he says: 16 "This is the covenant I will make with them after that time, says the Lord. I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds."

The HS wants to lead you into greater depths of understanding God’s love for you.  We love because He first loved us.  1 John 4:19

Generation 268

ROOTED IN THE CONFESSION OF ISAIAH 26:8  Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts.

PASSION EXISTS TO GLORIFY GOD BY UNITING STUDENTS IN WORSHIP, PRAYER AND JUSTICE FOR SPIRITUAL AWAKENING IN THIS GENERATION.

SINCE 2007, PASSION’S DO SOMETHING NOW INITIATIVE HAS POWERFULLY WED THE EXPRESSION OF WORSHIP WITH JUSTICE AS STUDENTS HAVE GIVEN OVER $8 MILLION TO DOZENS OF PARTNER ORGANIZATIONS THROUGHOUT THE WORLD.  PASSION IS MORE THAN MUSIC.  MORE THAN EVENTS.  PASSION IS A GENERATION LIVING FOR HIS NAME.  THE WAVE IS GROWING INTO A GLOBAL AWAKENING.

A passion for God is more than just singing, it affects every fiber of my being.  It affects how I spend my money, my time,  my very actions.

2.            Impress His commands on your children v7a

The Hebrew way of teaching was continual repetition.  To impress means to be diligent about it.  One of my goals that I have not been good at keeping is to continually open the Word of God with my kids.  We must be intentional.

Rylan has got me on to geocaching! You use the app feature that links up with your GPS  on your phone and go out searching for hidden treasure.  So, how about with Jesus…in whom are hidden the treasures of wisdom and knowledge!  Colossians 2:2

In the Jewish tradition the content of the commands to teach were found in thirds.

Mishnah – oral traditions were taught on everything from giving or the tithe, prayers and blessings, laws of purity, sacrificial system, Sabbath and festivals, agricultural laws…

Talmud - The Talmud contains the opinions of thousands of rabbis on a variety of subjects, including law, ethics, philosophy, customs, history, theology,

Torah -  The Torah consisted their covenant with God and Moses’ law that was handed down  at Mt. Sinai and teachings on the Tabernacle….Genesis to Deuteronomy.  We refer to this as the Pentateuch.

Loving God includes speaking   privately yet openly of His ways and of Him without being self-conscious  creating physical reminders of God and His teachings for oneself, as exemplified in the commandment of tzitzit [fringes] as a reminder to observe  His commandments and to be holy to your God (Num. 15:40), and ensuring  the public awareness of Divine teachings.  What could be more natural than that children observing their parents doing  such things would be curious? Their questions, prompted by activities that  they do not fully understand but which they sense to be terribly important to  their parents, are to become the launching point for true teaching and learn.   Charles Isbell

Titus 2

But we proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children.  1 Thessalonians 2:7 NASB

Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, my God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your mighty acts to all who are to come.  Psalm 71:18 NIV

3.            Let your faith intersect every area of your life v7b -9

You may know that Israel did not do so well with this encouragement.  It was not very long before they refused to hear what God had to say.  Instead they worshiped idols and false gods.  They forgot many of the commands of the Lord and reveled in gross sins of every kind.  And clearly, they didn’t teach their children in the ways and knowledge of the Lord and his commands.  They were so foolish that they only took Moses’ words literally.  They made little boxes called phylacteries and rolled up Bible verses and put them inside and then tied those boxes to their hands and foreheads.  They wrote Bible passages on their doorframes.  But over time, and still to this day, it became just a cultural custom or a good luck charm.  In other words, they heard what Moses had to say but they weren’t truly listening.

There is so much that competes for our attention and time…. we are distracted by so many things that consume our time…

We live in a culture of accessibility and a culture of continual comparison.

As one person writes….we get so consumed with our busy lives—we get up, get the kids up, cram food in everybody’s face, get the kids to school, go to work, work all day long, pick the kids up from school, make dinner, have a few minutes of family time.  I know I feel lucky when we get more in with our kids than just the apple and onions of their day.  Then we work hard at getting the kids to bed, and then we crash.  Where is there time for reading the Bible and hearing what God has to say?  (And you don’t have to have kids to live that kind of a busy life).  We don’t always do so well at hearing the Lord.

Don’t let others set your schedule…guard it, block it.

We have to plan, prioritize and protect it much like we do with date nights for married couples.

Turn the iphones off, the ipads, ipods and listen to the Great I AM!

For us today, the verse might read, "Tell them about me when you're waiting at a traffic light (or in line at Tim Hortons), when you're traveling on vacation or on the way to school, when the alarm goes off in the morning and when you collapse into bed at night after soccer, school or surfing the web, or even when something funny opens the door for conversation.

Look for the teachable moments in your everyday experience.

My brother told me one of the ways he would get his children’s attention was road trips.  They would just get in the car and drive and had some of their best conversations on the road.

There was a time when Sharon shared with our kids that God laid on her heart a specific amount of money that we were to give away.  Guess what, the exact amount came in later that week through her business.  As she told our kids the response was, “of course, you have to give the money away!”

Jordan got a raise earlier this year, but his workplace forgot to make the change so they gave him a bonus cheque for the amount that they had to make up.  When Jordan received it, he didn’t even hesitate to give the money to the LORD as he just looked at it as money that God had blessed him with and he was going to bless others.  Our children can impress truths on us as well and one way is generosity!

The remainder of the chapter in Deuteronomy 6 is this… Don’t forget the LORD when your life is good.  Don’t forget where you came from!

Questions to share with our kids…

      When has God showed up in your life?

When we have felt that He didn’t…

      When has His Spirit revealed a life changing truth?

The Takeaway

LOVE God  as your Father
IMPRESS His truth by the the Holy Spirit
REMEMBER His way through  Jesus

Everyday

Before Conflict...Accepting what makes us different!

I want to introduce you to a church that was headed for some serious conflict and how Paul worked hard to diffuse the situation.  Let’s do a case study on the church at Corinth.

Things started heating up right at the beginning as Paul opens his letter with these remarks

1 Corinthians 1:10-17 and then in 3:1-5; 4:6

1Brothers and sisters, I could not address you as people who live by the Spirit but as people who are still worldly—mere infants in Christ. 2I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. 3You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans? 4For when one says, “I follow Paul,” and another, “I follow Apollos,” are you not mere human beings? 5What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task.

What was the diagnosis? – Paul identified them as worldly – infants in Christ.

What made them worldly… Often this is associated with people being involved in certain types of activities; however Paul makes it clear that it is an inward attitude.  It was jealousy and quarreling.  The people attending the church at Corinth were playing favorites and Paul wanted to set the record straight in a church with multiple leadership.  

You may be taking sides, but we as leaders are not taking sides. 

That is not who we are.

Paul and Apollos were not pointing the people to themselves, they were pointing the people to the foundation, Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 4:6Now, brothers and sisters, I have applied these things to myself and Apollos for your benefit, so that you may learn from us the meaning of the saying, “Do not go beyond what is written.” Then you will not be puffed up in being a follower of one of us over against the other.

I want to say that this happened in Corinth and it could happen in any church and it could happen here at Grace. It’s human nature to favor one person over another and we  need to be on the alert for attitudes that cause divisiveness.  John, Bryan, Nathan and I are different in our personalities, gifting and strengths and we learn and grow together.

I also want to say that God is continuing to unify us as pastors and we are percolating and marinating together in prayer as well in collaboration as we seek God for His leading beyond “a time and place where love abounds”. 

Now before I get to being different, I want to point out one thing that is the same and that is that we are all ‘servants’.

5What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task.

We are all called to serve one another in love…Everyone of us has been conscripted into the service whether you knew that or not!

Today let’s look at three ways we are different and why it is important for us to accept what makes us different in these specific ways.

  This applies on Sunday mornings and it applies for the rest of the week. 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

You may ask the question “why should I do this?”   I believe the answer to this will allow us to better understand the roles that God has designed us for in fulfilling His plan for His church.  We are all different here at Grace and yet we all are brothers and sisters in Christ as we talked about last week.  We are all on the same team. 

1.       We all have different personalities and as a result have a unique role to play.  V6,7

1 Corinthians 3:6 I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. 7 So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.

What made Paul unique was that he was a “starter”.  He loved to start new churches, build into new people.  He was a man built for adventure.  He probably couldn’t sit still for very long and he was always on the move until he was locked up in prison and took the time to write half of the NT under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.

So, he correctly refers to himself as one who ‘plants’.  Paul saw a lot of people come to faith in Jesus Christ.

Paul then identifies Apollos as ‘one who waters’.  A person who waters the plant is someone who has to stick around, someone who is going to nurture a young plant.  Apollos on the other hand was the person who in my estimation came alongside the new believers and taught them more about their new found faith.  He was steady, a maintainer, someone who enjoyed sticking around.

How do you think Apollos would be frustrated with Paul?… he might say man, he never finishing anything, he leaves me with all these baby Christians making messes all over the place.

How do you think Paul would be frustrated with Apollos?...  Why is Apollos so slow, it’s time for a new city, a new adventure and all he wants to do is stay in one place.  We saw that last week in 1 Corinthians 16:12

How does knowing how people are wired help me avoid unnecessary conflict.  Well, if I understand how they are wired, I hopefully will cut them more slack.

I have a plant in my office that needs a lot of love and nurturing.  I haven’t been very good about watering it.  I certainly appreciate the plant but I’m glad Susan notices it and waters it for me.  I also find myself as a follower of Jesus really loving the opportunity to plant the seed with people who are seekers, who want to learn more about the Lord. 

God has blessed me through my love for sports, in particular, hockey and swimming, to build friendships with people that are similar in interest but different in beliefs.  I also love how God brings people in my life.

God has blessed me with unique opportunities in the past week to meet with people … the guy aerating my lawn, the lady cutting my hair, a lady pulling in to stop at Grace because she felt God was leading her to pray for Kerry and Chris just prior to Kerry’s death.  I love how God shows up in my day as I anticipate Him shaking things up.  I am blessed as a pastor because so often my days look so completely different.  I embrace it.

Accepting what makes us different  in personality will help us complement each other instead of competing with each other in building up the body of Christ.

2.       We all have different giftings but we have one purpose. V8,9

8The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. 9For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.

God has given all of us assignments in the body. V5

 I don’t believe that you can only do one thing in the body or serve only in one way.  However, God has an assignment for each of us and we need to accept the role that He is asking us to play.

Let’s remember the ultimate purpose is discovered in watching God make what we have done and cause it to grow!

We are all here to build His church! We are here to build people up in their faith.  We are here to be led by the Spirit not

 Peter and Jesus in John 21:21-23…this is your assignment… never mind about their assignment.

Sometimes, we forget to follow our own assignment and it is personal.  Our nature again is to poke our nose in there and want to figure out other people’s assignments. 

Now if we are invited in to that place where others are asking us for insight and wisdom, then we go there.

Accepting what makes us different will help us complement each other instead of competing with each other in building up the body of Christ as it relates to our gifting.

3.       We all have  different  strengths and as a result we can build on each other’s work v10,11

10By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as a wise builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should build with care. 11For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ.

As we see our differences, we need to learn not to compete, not to be jealous, not to think “oh, they are better than me because they are more visible and for that matter we need to appreciate what we all bring to the table of grace.

We need to be considerate especially in a community church where there is a rich tapestry of diversity.  One of the things that makes us different is that we didn’t get connected here because we were a denomination or a satellite church of some larger body.  No I believe one of the reasons that we are connected is found in our name, Grace.

What are the pitfalls of having different strengths or for that matter, different personalities and giftings?

We may raise one type of gifting as more significant than another…most likely our own gifting, our own personality and our strength.

We may feel threatened because well, we don’t have that gifting.

How do we keep from ending up in those pitfalls of divided loyalties and creating rivalries?

We all need to remember that the foundation is Jesus Christ, we are all members of his team and we all can do much more working together than working against each other.

These are attitudes we can develop early to keep ourselves open to how God works in everyone of us so differently.

People on Sundays have different roles to play.  We also need to  keep from criticizing what might simply be a matter of personal preference.   

We do this by accepting what makes us different  and discover how we complement each other instead of competing with each other in building up the body of Christ

The Takeaway

Engage people that are different from you because in doing so we will see better how we truly can fit together instead of seeing it as how we clash with each other.

(use folded hands to bang in to each other and then fit fingers between the knuckles)

Here is a little exercise to get you started on this.

My thanks to Dr. Jason Whitehurst for the following exercise...

Draw a circle with a dot in the middle of the circle.  If you are good, you will know how to do this without lifting your pen off your paper….

Ok, so put yourself in the middle of the circle. Now put several dots in the circle. Label those dots as people that you communicate with and engage on a regular basis.

Now, on the outside of the circle, draw one dot. Who does that dot represent?

Who is that person that is not in your normal circle of friends and associates?

Who is that person that is different from you in many ways?

My aim is to get you to intentionally engage that person who is different. What I mean by that is, get out of your comfort bubble and communicate and build relationships with people that are different.  It is really easy to always socialize and hang out with people who are just like you and me. That’s easy. What is challenging is to find different people and intentionally engage them. Not a surface level, “Hey how are you?”, but a deeper communication.

The reason for communicating with people that are different, is that they challenge you.

Different people challenge your way of thinking.

Different people challenge the way you see the world.

Different people challenge why you believe what you believe.

As Christians, the number one reason we should engage people who are different is because Jesus did. Jesus did not stay in His “wheelhouse” or comfort zone, but He went and met and ate with different people.

They were people who were not like Jesus. They were people who didn’t think like Jesus. Many times, they were actually on the other end of the sprectrum from Jesus in almost every way. But He set the example of how His followers should live.

My desire is to reach out to people that are different from me

As God gives the opportunity I want to be faithful to engaging people who are different, that I might in some way show the love of God and true Christianity.

I encourage you, label that dot outside the circle you drew with a person’s name, and go build a relationship with that person.

Accepting what makes us different will help us complement each other instead of competing with each other in building up the body of Christ….

As we understand our personalities, as we appreciate our giftings, as we focus on our strengths we can work towards the same goal on the foundation of Jesus Christ and be part of watching God grow His church!

Before Conflict Begins...embracing the attitude of acceptance!

 I grew up in a home where you just had to raise your voice to get your point across or slam your fist the hardest, I really didn’t think it was bad, it certainly got your attention!  However, I have to admit that there I’m still learning to do conflict well.  I have learned to lose the defensiveness and the importance of confessing my sin especially when I have slammed my fist!

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18

As it relates to life in the church….you can avoid a lot of unnecessary conflict by accepting these three truths.

1.      We are all brothers and sisters on the same team …the enemy is out there not in here!

In Philippians 4:2,3,  we are introduced to Euodia yoo-OH-dih and Syntycke  (SIN-tih-kee), two women who had a leadership role in the church there.  They ‘contended at my side in the cause of the gospel’, but they are not getting along.   Now, if two people not getting along, that shouldn’t be a big issue, that is unless of course they represent constituencies and they have strong disagreements.

Sarah Green in the Harvard Business Review talks about 9 mistakes we make in the area of conflict.  The first one she refers to is falling into a “combat mentality”. 

This allows the conversation to become a zero-sum game, with a winner and a loser. But the reality is, when we let conversations take on this tenor…everyone looks bad, and everyone loses. The real enemy is not your conversational counterpart, but the combat mentality itself.

2 Corinthians 10:5 take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ.

We need to separate the person from the potential conflict like a pillow in the middle of a couch.  Often we look at the person through the pillow and the person becomes one with the issue.  We need to take the pillow from in between us and place it on the floor so we attack the issue, not the person!

I am personally committed to you as a person who is “IN THE LORD.  The way to openly convey feelings is to be predisposed to a committed way of thinking. 

Philippians 4:2,3 The word for ‘agree’ = a way of thinking or a disposition. We want to have the same mindset in the Lord, the mind of Christ.

It is the realization that our Lord is the tie that binds us together in love.  If we drift apart from this truth, we will find it much more easier to break partnership with each other.

Sharon has a great way of challenging our children especially when things start to escalate.  She will tell them… Brynley, Addi, you are sisters for life and nothing will change that. 

Some of your friends will come and go but your relationship is forever.

It would seem like a simple point, but it is a truth worth remembering.  As followers of Jesus, we are family forever.

2.      Everything is not a matter of right and wrong, it could be just different.

We need incredible wisdom and discernment here.

1 Cor 16:12  It wasn’t an argument that needed to be won.

Sometimes we will just have to agree to have a different point of view.

The question that I need to ask myself with a potential challenging situation is how important is this issue for me to raise.

Let’s take a simple Sunday morning example:

Two weeks ago we have our Easter service and there was only congregational singing for two songs.  Some loved it and some wished that they had opportunity to sing more.  Is there a certain amount of songs that we are supposed to sing every Sunday? No.  So, this isn’t a matter of right and wrong.  It is just different.  We need the willingness and the freedom to have services that are different.

Let’s talk about another Sunday morning example…  raising our hands when we sing worship songs.  One person may look down on another person for raising their hands thinking why do they have to be so expressive.  Another person might be raising their hands and thinking what is wrong with the rest of the duds in this place.  Why can’t they just get into the worship more.

However, it is what we don’t know that may be the answer to the question.  What has my brother or sister being dealing with this week?  They might be experiencing dealing with a broken relationship, they might have just lost their job, they may have been dealing with a great deal of sickness and for some they just need to let the beauty and the words of the song wash over them like waves on the shore of a beach. 

For others, they just found a new job, they just welcomed a new member to their family and they want to just shout the LORD’s praises!

So if God is telling you to raise your hands, raise them, if He is telling you to sit and soak it in, do that and let’s all commit to worshipping the Lord in Spirit and in truth in this place.

3.      Make allowances for each other’s weaknesses and limitations. 

Now remember it isn’t allowance for sin that is requested here.

Ephesians 4:2  Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love.

How do you make allowances?  

Thankfully the passage tells us.

·         We do this with humility and gentleness

Humility could be asking the question, “Is this a major or a minor?”

Is this the hill that I’m going to die on whether that is with your spouse, your child, your Christian brother or sister…

Gentleness is power under control.  It is the power to diffuse a potentially heated situation by responding in love and understanding.  It is not a false modesty, a self-depreciation, or a spineless refusal to stand for anything.   

Gentleness is refusing to act in anger or demand my own way.

Gentleness is never a cowardly retreat from reality, it isn’t avoiding trouble, but it is

“knowing HOW to say it”!

18 But Jesus, knowing their evil intent, said, “You hypocrites, why are you trying to trap me? 19 Show me the coin used for paying the tax.” They brought him a denarius, 20 and he asked them, “Whose image is this? And whose inscription?”21 “Caesar’s,” they replied.

Then he said to them, “So give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.”22 When they heard this, they were amazed. So they left him and went away.

·         We do this with patience. 

A valuable lesson in patience is learning the 2 principle as Sue Bitton shared with our teaching team this week.

Does this situation require me to take 2 seconds to respond, 2 minutes, 2 hours, 2 days?

When Rylan played double A hockey in Milton a few years ago, the coach had a rule about feedback.  He wanted every parent who thought their child was going to make it the NHL wait 24hrs before commenting on their child’s ice time etc…

The Takeaway

We do this for the purpose of unity in the Spirit and for the bond of peace  Ephesians 4:3

As children of our heavenly Father, we are a diverse group. We come from varied backgrounds,  We have different tastes, preferences and needs. How can such a diverse group have unity? It is God's Spirit that binds us together.

·         We all have special gifts and talents that God has given us.

However, he has given each one of us a special gift through the generosity of Christ.  The actual word in the Greek is gift (the beneficial nature of the gift) not grace as some of you might see in your translation.

·         We are all part of this fascinating body

Ephesians 4:16

·         Walk in the power of the Holy Spirit!

Even though Jesus knew that His disciples had a willingness to follow Him, He also knew the weakness of their flesh. This is why He encouraged them to pray. He knew that only the power of the Holy Spirit could rule over the weakness of the flesh.

Do you realize how weak and insufficient you are in your own strength to do what God requires? If you do, ask Him now to empower you with His Spirit to help you to lovingly seek reconciliation with your mate. Where you are weak, He will make you strong (2 Cor. 12:9,10)!

these are written...so that you may BELIEVE!

Easter sunrise over Guelph Lake, 2013

John 20...Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance. 2So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!”

3So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb. 4Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. 5He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in. 6Then Simon Peter came along behind him and went straight into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, 7as well as the cloth that had been wrapped around Jesus’ head. The cloth was still lying in its place, separate from the linen. 8Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed. 9(They still did not understand from Scripture that Jesus had to rise from the dead.)10Then the disciples went back to where they were staying.

The purpose of John's gospel was for us to believe.  Early on Sunday morning there was great anticipation and great concern.  Where was Jesus' body...wouldn't the grave robbers take him with his linen cloths?  We have John reliving the morning with us...letting us know by the way that he could beat Peter on any given day in a running match!  He was also the disciple whom Jesus loved.  He had such a deep love for Jesus and he couldn't enter in until Peter went into the tomb first.  All we get at first is just Peter's initial observations; however John lets us know right in that moment he believed.

So, from there Jesus reveals Himself to Mary, then to his disciples and then to Thomas so that he might believe.  Jesus tells us that we are blessed for not being able to see physically and yet still believe.  Then John reminds us it is all about the fact that by believing in Jesus we will have LIFE!

The resurrection calls us to believe!

Romans 10:9If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.10For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.

1 John 5:12Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have the Son of God does not have life.

13I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life.