“If it is possible, as far as it depends on
you, live at peace with
everyone.” Romans 12:18
As it relates to life in the church….you can
avoid a lot of unnecessary conflict by accepting these three truths.
1.
We are all brothers and sisters on the same
team …the enemy is out there not in here!
In Philippians 4:2,3, we are introduced to Euodia yoo-OH-dih and Syntycke (SIN-tih-kee), two women who had a leadership
role in the church there. They
‘contended at my side in the cause of the gospel’, but they are not getting
along. Now, if two people not
getting along, that shouldn’t be a big issue, that is unless of course they
represent constituencies and they have strong disagreements.
Sarah Green in the Harvard Business Review
talks about 9 mistakes we make in the area of conflict. The first one she refers to is falling into a
“combat mentality”.
This allows
the conversation to become a zero-sum game, with a winner and a loser. But the
reality is, when we let conversations take on this tenor…everyone looks bad,
and everyone loses. The real enemy is not your conversational counterpart, but
the combat mentality itself.
2 Corinthians 10:5 take captive every thought
and make it obedient to Christ.
We need to separate the person from the
potential conflict like a pillow in the middle of a couch. Often we look at the person through the pillow and the person becomes one with the issue. We need to take the pillow from in between us and place it on the floor so we attack the issue, not the person!
I am personally committed to you as a person
who is “IN THE LORD. The way to openly
convey feelings is to be predisposed to a committed way of thinking.
Philippians 4:2,3 The word for ‘agree’ = a way
of thinking or a disposition. We want to have the same mindset in the Lord, the
mind of Christ.
It is the realization that our Lord is the tie
that binds us together in love. If we
drift apart from this truth, we will find it much more easier to break
partnership with each other.
Sharon has a great way of challenging our
children especially when things start to escalate. She will tell them… Brynley, Addi, you are
sisters for life and nothing will change that.
Some of your friends will come and go but your
relationship is forever.
It would seem like a simple point, but it is a
truth worth remembering. As followers of
Jesus, we are family forever.
2. Everything
is not a matter of right and wrong, it could be just different.
We
need incredible wisdom and discernment here.
1 Cor 16:12
It wasn’t an argument that needed to be won.
Sometimes we will just have to agree to have a
different point of view.
The question that I need to ask myself with a
potential challenging situation is how important is this issue for me to raise.
Let’s take a simple Sunday morning example:
Two weeks ago we have our Easter service and
there was only congregational singing for two songs. Some loved it and some wished that they had
opportunity to sing more. Is there a
certain amount of songs that we are supposed to sing every Sunday? No. So, this isn’t a matter of right and
wrong. It is just different. We need the willingness and the freedom to
have services that are different.
Let’s talk about another Sunday morning
example… raising our hands when we sing
worship songs. One person may look down
on another person for raising their hands thinking why do they have to be so
expressive. Another person might be
raising their hands and thinking what is wrong with the rest of the duds in
this place. Why can’t they just get into
the worship more.
However, it is what we don’t know that may be
the answer to the question. What has my
brother or sister being dealing with this week?
They might be experiencing dealing with a broken relationship, they
might have just lost their job, they may have been dealing with a great deal of
sickness and for some they just need to let the beauty and the words of the
song wash over them like waves on the shore of a beach.
For others, they just found a new job, they
just welcomed a new member to their family and they want to just shout the
LORD’s praises!
So if God is telling you to raise your hands,
raise them, if He is telling you to sit and soak it in, do that and let’s all
commit to worshipping the Lord in Spirit and in truth in this place.
3. Make
allowances for each other’s weaknesses and limitations.
Now remember it isn’t allowance for sin that
is requested here.
Ephesians 4:2
Always be humble and gentle. Be patient
with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love.
How do you make allowances?
Thankfully the passage tells us.
·
We do this with
humility and gentleness
Humility could be asking the question, “Is
this a major or a minor?”
Is this the hill that I’m going to die on
whether that is with your spouse, your child, your Christian brother or sister…
Gentleness is power under control. It is the power to diffuse a potentially
heated situation by responding in love and understanding.
It is not a false modesty,
a self-depreciation, or a spineless refusal to stand for anything.
Gentleness is refusing to act in anger or
demand my own way.
Gentleness is never a cowardly retreat from
reality, it isn’t avoiding trouble, but it is
“knowing HOW
to say it”!
18 But Jesus, knowing their evil intent, said,
“You hypocrites, why are you trying to trap me? 19 Show me the coin used for
paying the tax.” They brought him a denarius, 20 and he asked them, “Whose
image is this? And whose inscription?”21 “Caesar’s,” they replied.
Then he said to them, “So give back to Caesar
what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.”22 When they heard this, they were
amazed. So they left him and went away.
·
We do this with
patience.
A valuable lesson in patience is learning the
2 principle as Sue Bitton shared with our teaching team this week.
Does this situation require me to take 2
seconds to respond, 2 minutes, 2 hours, 2 days?
When Rylan played double A hockey in Milton a
few years ago, the coach had a rule about feedback. He wanted every parent who thought their
child was going to make it the NHL wait 24hrs before commenting on their
child’s ice time etc…
The Takeaway
We do this for the purpose of unity in the
Spirit and for the bond of peace
Ephesians 4:3
As children of our heavenly Father, we are a
diverse group. We come from varied backgrounds,
We have different tastes, preferences and needs. How can such a diverse
group have unity? It is God's Spirit that binds us together.
·
We all have
special gifts and talents that God has given us.
However, he has given each one of us a special
gift through the generosity of Christ.
The actual word in the Greek is gift (the beneficial nature of the gift)
not grace as some of you might see in your translation.
·
We are all part
of this fascinating body
Ephesians 4:16
·
Walk in the power
of the Holy Spirit!
Even though Jesus knew that His disciples had
a willingness to follow Him, He also knew the weakness of their flesh. This is
why He encouraged them to pray. He knew that only the power of the Holy Spirit
could rule over the weakness of the flesh.
Do you realize how weak and insufficient you
are in your own strength to do what God requires? If you do, ask Him now to
empower you with His Spirit to help you to lovingly seek reconciliation with
your mate. Where you are weak, He will make you strong (2 Cor. 12:9,10)!
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