Bear With One Another

How many of you have been disappointed by somebody at church?

Bear With Each Other….how to deal with difficult people!   Colossians 3:12-17.

Now you hear that title and  maybe you are picturing than this is gritting your teeth or biting your tongue…  ‘grin and bear it’  that somehow we just gotta dig down deep on this one and muster it up.

N.T. Wright shares on this very theme in his book, Simply Christian,

We are made for each other.  Yet making relationships work, let alone making them flourish is often remarkably difficult…there are many times when we are tempted to slam the door and stomp off into the night by ourselves... We all know we belong in relationships, but we can’t quite work out how to get them right.

I knew of one couple in a previous church that made the decision to not become members  there because they had been members of another church prior to that and didn’t like the way that decisions were made.  So, their answer to the situation was, ‘don’t get involved again.’  However we were designed to get involved in the lives of others, to care, to bless, to participate and the church needs all of us.

What does the word ‘bear’ mean?

It means to protect, a protective covering like a roof over a house, to shield, to have another’s person’s back, to be in their corner.  I guard and take seriously my brother or sister’s honor.

We are the ones who are called to bring the protective covering around them because they are a loved child of God.

Start with Yourself v12

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Clothe yourself…start here!  COMPASSION says I’ve been there or I’m there right now…

Have you ever asked the question, Why does this person bug me or why do they get under my skin so much? 

Often the thing that frustrates us most about others is something that we see or have seen in ourselves.

Matthew 7:3  Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  The first place to begin is ourselves

If they don’t have a filter, you will notice it especially if you have struggled with having a filter when speaking with others.

It has been said that you will have the most issues with your child that is most like you…it will bug you.  So, if your child struggles with jealousy and you have, you are going to be even more aware of it.

So, choose to be compassionate in that very situation.  Compassion is translated tender hearted mercies in the NLT.

KINDNESS discovers ways to show affirmation….

What we affirm in others is often what we also place high value on.   It takes an extra step for us to see and understand what another person places value on and appreciate that.

HUMILITY

Choose to go to that person in humility and say this is how you make me feel when.

Humility is also learning how to receive criticism from others

GENTLENESS doesn’t react, it responds!

How do you react?  It has been said we are either a hedgehog or a rhino when it comes to dealing with conflict.  I want to focus on learning how to respond.

If we choose to go to that person and tell them you always or you never…  with that accusatory tone, it will rarely go down well if at all. 

Also, remember this when you are saying sorry, never  apologize with a BUT.  Get your BUT out of there.  The problem is that we want to be right and it’s our PRIDE that gets in the way.

PATIENCE is learning to be on God’s timetable, not my timetable…

We are not to play the Holy Spirit in someone else’s life.  We need God to show us what is first lacking in our own lives.

As I was discussing the message with one of the pastors this week, he shared how he couldn’t participate in breaking of bread because he knew that he had to make something right with another member of the congregation.

God always brings it back to yourself…do you ever hear God say, “yeah, go, get them and you should say this to them.  Go get him tiger!  No.  God wants to rid of us our pride.

When you are dealing with criticism, here is what you need to do.

Take it to God and ask him what is true, what isn’t true.  Often people will say things out of anger, but you don’t dismiss all of it.  You can even ask God to sift it… you may hate what they said….just listen to what God is telling you.  God is very personal and takes the situation back to you.

You maybe don’t feel worthy, but remember this too!  It is not about who you are, it is whose you are!

Clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

We need to care more about what He thinks than how others perceive us.  We don’t have to have the last word, we don’t always have to be right.

Think about your relationship with your spouse.  If there is always one of you that is apologizing all the time, saying “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” often the other person should take a hard look at themselves as well.  If this is an ongoing this, it may just be the other person may have the issues, the pride, the demanding nature.

Let’s just give the HS some time to search our hearts and ask Him.

Answer the following quietly in your own heart...

1.        Do you always have to convince people of your position on a subject

2.       Do you use sarcasm to get your point across?

3.       Do you make others feel small?

If we really repent and get this right, this can change the atmosphere in our homes,

Learn to see the situation from their perspective.  You may have had no intention of hurting them.

Take The High Road v13-15  (without telling people that you are)

In most difficult situations with others, our tendency is to either isolate or attack and wound.

Our first reaction is to not to get involved with them again and so we choose to isolate ourselves. 

We withdraw and avoid them.

I love the quote I came across the other day… When in doubt, take the high road…there’s less traffic.

Romans 12:10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love, honor one another above yourselves.

I know some people who have held on to what was done to them for years and it shows especially in a church situation.  It eats them up and makes them sick and toxic.

V13 We are called to BEAR with each other….it isn’t easy and it doesn’t come naturally.

This is really the practical answer of how do we act kindly, how do we act humbly…It is by learning to bear with each other.

And just in case you think they don’t deserve your forgiveness , remember neither do we, but Jesus set the standard…Forgive as the Lord forgave you!

Sometimes we find it difficult to forgive other Christians because we expect more of them. Is this ever true of you?

Romans 12:14 goes on to tell us to even bless those who persecute you!  WOW, because it is hard enough dealing with people who hurt you let alone persecute you…   It is a present imperative verb…constantly be blessing others. The word blessing comes from  - our word eulogy. So, what would you want people to say about you at your funeral? 

Emotionally do you think you feel like doing this?  This is something He is calling us to do for others despite how we might feel about them.

What comes naturally…well talking about someone behind their back, so brag, build them up, speak highly of them…changed the atmosphere.

How do we bless others….we look for ways to speak highly of them in front of them and behind their back!   We don’t entertain conversations that put people down, we put an end to them.

We so often want to preach to them, but it is better to speak words of kindness.  Give an opportunity for the Holy Spirit to convict them.

If you choose to go against what you are feeling and bless them, the situation will be transformed.  

Practically…

Let’s look at some of the most picked on people…You don’t like the worship style…it was too loud, it was too quiet…too much feedback.  We need to focus on the fact that the worship leader puts so much time and effort into it, they are here at 8am, they come with a heart of worship.  Before you criticize the Compass teachers, they don’t get paid to do this either. They are showing love to our kids and they may already be dealing with kids all week long.

Now, did you notice what our JH class did last week.  They highlighted so many of the forgotten people who serve behind the scenes at church.   They focused on blessing others and specifically many of those who serve behind the scenes at Grace.  I want this attitude to spill over in our church

‘Love binds them all together in perfect unity’

Now living in perfect unity is the goal of this love we are pursuing in this place.  However, it  doesn’t mean that we all think the same way or be passionate about the same thing

I know that I’m not a musician or have a great musical ear, but when it sounds amazing, even my untrained ear knows it.

It is this idea that there is the combination of notes like in an orchestra that when they come together, they make this beautiful  complimentary sound.  We are family and we are representative of who He is.

I pray that a big part of this vision would be that this church would have a culture of honor.  I long for this place to be somewhere that we all have the freedom to be who God created us to be!   We don’t have to prove ourselves.  Our worth has been proved by Jesus Christ on the cross and that makes everyone so worthwhile to get to know, to listen to their story!

Be called to peace.

Fix your eyes on his mercy and be thankful… These ‘hard to love’ people are the object of God’s mercy; however they need to be the object of our mercy.

The ground is even at the foot of the cross.  Go back here and kneel right here.  Have mercy on me God

Include Christ’s perspective in every conversation and in every situation v16,17

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly… as you

1.       Teach and admonish one another

The Bible is the word of life… The Bible says that the power of life and death is in the tongue. Proverbs 18:21

When we speak the Word of God to others we can speak ‘life’!

Notice what God is doing in that person, pay attention to their gifts, their abilities and AFFIRM them.

Share God’s promises, their purpose, their destiny. 

So this week the staff was at the Michael House and we had a chance to see Katie Bietz and Annica Napier in a very strategic place reaching out in love to women in need of a stable home to start their journey as a single mom.  Annica is the champion for our partnership with Beginnings and Michael House.

This is what It could look like…

I believe that God has placed you both for such a time as this and that He has given you everything you need in Christ Jesus to give these ladies love.  I see in both in you a heart of mercy and I want to affirm that today.  I also believe that God is going to do great things through both of you as you show care and share your lives with those the He brings to you.

The Takeaway

Commit to praying for someone for 30 days before you approach them about something that you see in them…however, if it is you that needs to do the confessing, don’t delay, reach out in love.