Grabbing The Initiative For Radical Love

Matthew 5:38-48

You may be familiar with the Golden Rule in Matthew 7:12 but did you know it was J.C. Penney who decided to name his department store, the ‘Golden Rule Store’ in 1902 to reflect his commitment to this value. It lasted till 1913 until he became the rule or just maybe the ‘Golden Rule’ is just bad for business.

Well, there are a few rules that have come more to the surface based on their nature more than their name. The first one that gets ripped apart in this teaching is what some have referred to as the ‘reciprocal rule’ which basically means whatever you do for me, I’ll do for you. It is certainly not a bad rule, but certainly one that fits well with personal loyalties.

There is also the ‘richochet rule’ which basically is like a ‘pay it forward’ idea where I do to someone based on what someone else has done to me. It allows me to understand my deficiencies and my good qualities based on my past experiences and the people who have shaped me. It allows me to really just be the product of my environment.

Finally we have ‘hidden motive’ rule. Most mothers can sniff this one out with their kids from a mile away. They just keep lavishing all this attention, interest, commitment to detail…all the while you know you are being set up for the ‘big ask’!

Nevertheless Jesus was always bending the rules and stretching us way beyond our comfort zone with his radical statements that become life changing for those who dare to live by them. Today we will focus on why love was always personal, vulnerable and sacrificial in His eyes.

In Jesus' day Israel was pretty much subdued by the Roman presence. The Jews had had a long history of being the people of God, but now they found themselves oppressed and so their culture had become very much about preserving and protection. It was very much an Us VS Them mentaltity. Being a light to the nations was the furthest thing from their mind and really they had ever reason to be bitter and walk around with a chip on their shoulder. It was justified and now Jesus keeps challenging them to get involved, reach out and trust God for all that security and significance stuff and just love people well. It was a tough, hard pill to swallow.
We need to recognize also that Jesus’ focus is on interpersonal relationships. He is not intending for this to be delivered to the court system or for the government for that matter. Later in Matthew 18 Jesus is very clear about confronting one another and discipline. This is not about pacifism or cheap grace churches.

Now we do the hard work of figuring just how are we going to apply all of this to life in the 21st century. If I gave you five minutes, I’m sure you could give me good examples where taking Jesus’ words literally here could be very detrimental. I just have to mention telemarketers at supper time or you grandmother who gives to a television preacher so that he can build some multi million dollar campus and she literally starves herself…

The focus is on our need to step in to a situation in our day to day interactions and how we need to live with generosity, forgiveness and love. It is relearning that first instinctive response when we are short changed. Jesus is working overtime to teach his followers a very radical love. It is a love that gets really personal, very vulnerable and humanly speaking, impossible.

Jesus taught us love is really PERSONAL v38-42


Eye for eye and tooth for tooth was rooted in OT teaching. It had a great way of slowing down vigilantes and satisfied the demands for revenge. Now, Jesus turns the tables and tells them how it is to go now and He uses some extreme examples:

• being slapped in the face - For most of us in our culture, it won’t be a literal ‘slap in the face’ but for us it can be easily done through back talk, being misrepresented or being completely overlooked, forgotten, disrespected, insulted.
• being taken advantage of financially and materially with our possessions and to the limits of our human strength and endurance. Have you ever felt used by someone? The only time that they call is when they need you for something? The coat represented one’s security. The coat not only protected them against the elements but it often was also used as their blanket at night. Jesus is telling us not to worry about giving those things up that make us feel secure.

As parents that is what we try to do for our kids, we want to provide them with security and create a safe place. However, as they grow older we have less and less control over that and as they become more independent what do we do? We become more and more dependent on God for their very lives and future. Jesus is telling us God is your best protection and the sooner we learn that the better. We have to hold it all with open hands before him.

• Being pushed to the limit of our human strength - This is a reference to the law of the land of that day, which allowed the Roman occupying forces to compel the Jews as citizens of one of their territories to carry their pack of gear for them up to a distance of one mile. It served as a constant reminder that they were oppressed and living under a foreign dictator.


I don’t know about you but this makes me feel very uncomfortable because it is very easy to speak about and so hard to really live out.

Jesus' point is not that we should let people physically abuse us, but that we should refrain from trying to get even when someone insults us. Now we are told to entrust that all to God and let Him work on that person. Let’s face it, He will get it right every time.

Jesus isn't telling us to be weak and passive; what He is telling you is not to be vindictive.

The longer you hold on to the idea of retaliation, the more the insult hurts.


None of us should be walking around like we have to settle a score, prove our point, demand our way. It is so counter culture that when we actually do it others will notice. I think there are just some people who just believe they have every reason to have a chip on the shoulder and make you know it.

The question Jesus is asking us is ‘what type of people do we want to be?’ Are we going to always be the ones who make sure we get everything that is owed to us, always watching our bottom line?

Jesus is trying to mold the kind of followers who have as the "default setting" of their hearts to be shalom, the peace and presence of God for ourselves and for those around us. It is godliness with contentment that is amazing gain. Of course, shalom in the community gets wrecked when injustice is rampant and that's why Jesus' words here should not be taken to mean that we willingly tolerate con artists or that we always give in to telemarketers.


It really means to get to the place where I understand that I live with open hands. I hold everything that I have – my identity, my reputation, my possessions, my abilities and tell God I want to be a great steward of all this.

Jesus taught us that love is very VULNERABLE v43 -47

He is referring to Leviticus 19:18 and once again that verse had been misquoted on the whole ‘hate your enemy’ was added on in the place of ‘as yourself’ and secondly, the word ‘neighbor’ had been as narrowly defined as possible.

Paul expands on this in Romans 12:19,20

It is a love that is proactive rather than reactive.

It comes down to our attitude…life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react or respond to it. There is one thing that is more important than the decision of my education, vocation, where I choose to live, the person that we choose to marry and it is the one string that we can play and that is our attitude.

I love the story by Max Lucado, You Are Special, and how Eli the woodcarver helps Punchinello understand how special he is--no matter what other Wemmicks may think and no matter what they say. Eventually he really does believe and those grey dots that the others give him begin to drop off. WHY…because he starts caring more about what God thinks about Him and less and less about what others do.

The fact does remain that while the person who mistreated you may not change, it will change you by the way you respond.


The story that sticks out most to me here is the story of Corrie Ten Boom when she came face to face with the German soldier who sent her sister to the gas chamber.


Jesus taught us that love is, humanly speaking, IMPOSSIBLE v48


Anyone perfect here?...Perfect as God?

It is that kind of love that values relationships way more than it does possessions. It is that decision to surprise others when they least deserve it or expect it

Some might say, but wait, isn’t this just enabling this sort of behaviour in some bad codependent sort of way? The truth is really the opposite as Christ is asking us to choose to act in love even if they treat me as an enemy. It goes against every natural fiber of our being and that is why it is so radical.

So can we truly know and experience the ‘golden rule’? The Message puts it this way, “Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them” Matthew 7:12 in The Message

The word "perfect" means complete, finished, or mature. Jesus is telling us to, "Be all that you were redeemed to be. Just as God lives out his actions in a way that is consistent with his character, you should live in a way that is consistent with what you were redeemed to be." Become what you are becoming and you will start surprising yourself and others! We are created in the image of God and we are being transformed completely into the image of Christ. We have the incredible opportunity to display the wonder of who Jesus is.

So what is our desire? It is to allow Jesus to shine more and more through our lives, to be more and more conformed to his image so that people are pointed through our lives to the Savior, the one who has rescued us and longs to rescue them.

So, you make the decision to say yes to radical love and what happens?

Well, you sleep most of the afternoon off, go to Downpour, have a great day at work. You get home exactly at 5:15pm because the 401 parted for you like the Red Sea. Everyone rushes to meet you at the front door and everyone pitches in to make dinner. It’s pasta night so the kids and you make homemade pasta and you just happened to pick up fresh bread at La Rose. During the meal, the conversation is scintillating and everyone opens up and shares their deepest feelings. Everyone pitches to clean up and it only takes 2.5 minutes..amazing. When the kids finish their homework (with no help from you required) you go load up those family pictures on Facebook and check in on some friends. You then pull out a family game and then surprise, there is a knock on the door and its Cogeco. It turns out they heard about your family and want to do a special on yes, your family…just how do you do that. You laugh, you cry, you put the kids to bed, have a wonderful romantic evening and you and your spouse make passionate love for the tenth night is a row!!

OK, so here’s the real reality more likely. You get home after 6 because you have been fighting two hours of traffic, you grab a cold piece of pizza, you try to make sense of your kids algebra – a subject you last understood in 1984 – you vaguely remember these small people in your home that you put to sleep. You then channel surf and some how end up on TLC for Jon and Kate + 8. You think their amazing and then after that you fall asleep on the couch watching the Dugger family have their 25th child. You wake up and somehow TSN is on and its almost midnight…

It is a love that is self sacrificing, but please don’t get paralyzed by the ideal. Just start living in real time, believe in who God has made you to be.

Do you want to hear real time stories from this week?


Real love is staying home on your BDAY with your sisters who are vomiting so your parents can lead their Bible study and ministry that night.

Real love is making the decision that you are going to commit your life to serving single moms and orphans in Romania.

It is learning to say God loves you to someone in your family who is dying of cancer and is really angry with God.

It is loving God even though you lost your job and you don’t know how you are going to pay next month’s rent.

Real love is about learning to release your child into hands of God when they don’t want to listen to you anymore.


Is there anyone who can testify to a really personal or very vulnerable or maybe humanly impossible kind of love this week.


The Takeaway

To love as Jesus loved is impossible but to let His love flow through me is possible only by the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit.


Questions For Discussion

1. What does Jesus’ Golden Rule say to what about what you could do for someone in a relationship this week?

2. What is one very practical thing that you can do to develop a habit of treating others as you would want them to treat you?

3. What is our real enemy in all of this counsel?

3. Has some idealized image kept me from really living out the life God has for me in my life and relationships?

The Heart of A Servant!

I would like you to imagine with me what the resume of a servant would look like in the kingdom of God.

Education – Community Service of Lifelong Learning

Degree – B.SK - Becoming A Servant of the King

Graduation Date – Rapture!

Experience – foot washing, devotion to prayer

Reference – Jesus!

Gary Thomas in his book, Beautiful Fight, tells how the Creator is eager to ‘splash His glory’on us. All too easily church can become defined or structured around discussing issues, praying about needs and being inspired by good teaching. But as we have been learning to be turned inside out, nothing can replace discovering ways in which we can ‘enflesh’ by living out and applying the stretching truths of our faith.

Authentic service is found in the depths of a love relationship with our Savior Jesus. The desire to serve comes from listening to His voice, His prompting and urging on to follow. It is not interested in being put on display for all to see. It doesn’t fear being noticed, but doesn’t seek it out. It is the heart of a prayer warrior completely closed in to God desperately seeking His glory and kingdom. It is completely free from the need to track results and simply responds in faithfulness.

Learning To Live on the Back Burner!

Luke 9:23 ‘if anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself, take up His cross and follow me.

To deny ourselves sounds more like depriving ourselves of what is rightfully ours in today’s culture. Each of us subconsciously takes the ‘greatness quiz’ everyday. The question is this, ‘Will I demand my own way or will I depend on someone else?’ That is the question that we face, ‘do I demand my rights or do I depend on God to look after me.’

In Mark 17:1 we read, “God helps those who help themselves”….OK, so that is not in the Bible, but how easily we default to this kind of mentality. Have you ever noticed how easy it is to demand your own way. It really does seem that those who are the most demanding get the quickest results. Watch this happen in a restaurant when you demand that you order be changed. Most of the time the waiter will rush to your aid and make things right and if you are lucky if you sound upset enough that they got your ‘order’ wrong, well, hey, you may not have to pay. You just might be really good at ‘demanding,’ but here’s the truth, you can’t demand the most important things in life. We can’t demand that we will be joyful or that we will never get sick or demand that a relationship must work.

So, does denying ourselves mean that we never demand anything? No, it just means that we demand for others what they have every right to for themselves, things like clean water, education, a hope and a future. I learn to lay down and deny what is often more than enough for me for the sake of others. I learn to put the needs of others on the front burner of my life.

In Mark 9:35, Jesus uses the example of welcoming children in His name as an act of servanthood. We learn from children is that they are dependent. They know that they cannot do things on their own and they are alright with that arrangement. Jesus wants us to approach life the same way and depend on Him for all of our needs. Matthew 18:3 teaches us to become like children. To live with childlike faith is an attitude of humility. It is also an attitude of ambition because children know how to dream big! Humility and denying ourselves doesn’t mean letting go of ambition, it just recognizes where the plan originates and where it will be fulfilled and that is in God’s will and His perfect sense of timing. I don’t have to get stressed out to think that I have missed the opportunity. I just know He will make me ready at the opportune time!

Learning Not To Be Noticed but to Notice

Matthew 23:5-7

A phylactery was a little box that was worn on the head and inside it contained Scripture verses. The tradition grew out of their desire to carry God’s Word wherever they went based on the ‘shema’ as given in Deuteronomy 6. Well, it became a status symbol after a while to show how much Scripture was ‘on your mind’ and a symbol of how spiritual you were.

Do we have the same issues? How could we get caught up in this same type of madness? It happens as we become more enamored with the amount of ‘meetings’ we attend, the more ‘teaching’ that we receive, the amount of our service. If it is about others noticing just ‘how much’ I am doing then it will never last. We just have to keep bringing ourselves back to the truth that God will notice, He understands and sees. He will look after us and ultimately the greatest affirmation we could ever hope for is that one day He will tell us, ‘well done good and faithful servant’.

It is a deliberate choice on our part that we choose to notice other’s needs. You may not get everything done on your ‘to-do list’ this day because you decided to pick up the phone and call a friend in need.

I watched a movie this week based on the life of Mother Teresa and once again was reminded of what real service is. She refused to take no for an answer when it was the lives of the children, the sick and the dying in her care. She once said, “We have an opportunity to love others as he loves us, not in the big things, but in small things with great love.”

Learning to be free from the ‘comparison game’

a. in service

In Matthew 20 we are told a very interesting story by Jesus. He calls people throughout various times during the day from early in the morning till the 11^th hour. Practically speaking that means that some got on the job at 6am and there were still workers being hired at 5pm! So, at the end of the day, the owner does the unexpected and he pays them all the same amount.

Our natural reaction to a story to this if we are really honest with ourselves is injustice. However, it is a huge lesson in learning to be thankful for even the realization that God has called me to serve in his vineyard and the fact that He wants to use me is an amazing reward in and of itself. Don’t worry about how much or how little you feel others are serving and the recognition they are receiving for it.

b. in life

2 Corinthians 10:12 - Paul is just plain and clear here – compare ourselves with ourselves is not wise!

We can so easily give in to comparison and we start thinking to ourselves…hmmn, I wonder where I stand? Am I behind, am I ahead or just keeping up. We can easily look at what others have and think well, I should be entitled to that too. It happens when we look at relationships and think, well, he seems more attentive than my husband or she encourages me more than my wife does. We look at someone else’s children and think what is wrong with my children. We have something good and the enemy just loves to get in there and make you feel inadequate and compare the joy right out of our lives till we’re just plain miserable. The fact is maybe you have a rose coloured stain glassed view of other parents or people. You haven’t been in their home, you haven’t seen their latest and greatest fight or for that matter you have yet to see what happens to their kids when they are on a sugar high!!

If there is something to boast about, boast about the Lord and what He is teaching you. Imagine if we could just do that by saying ‘I felt so defeated this week and then God spoke so powerfully through His Word to me that even when He knows my folly, my guilt, He answered me out of the goodness of His love. I feel free to serve again with a pure heart.

Fred S. has come in on occasion and has shared with me his thoughts from his journal. He comes in to see if he is doing it right and I have a laugh. He is really sincere and the realization is that it is so right when it is done with God as our intended audience and no one else. I don’t think he realizes how rewarding it is for me just to hear how God is speaking to his heart.

Moving from default to dependence

Matthew 18:9-14

No one ever sets out to be a ‘Pharisee’ in their approach to the Christian life so that is why we better keep paying attention to our own prayer life. If it starting to sound self-absorbed then we need to put ‘self’ in it’s place! There is prayer that keeps self on the throne and there is prayer that places self at the foot of the throne and that is where the tax collector was and were we need to be. What are the other warning signs that we are coasting into default:

You become confident in yourself

You become less patient with others

You become content to look the part rather than living it out.

The opposite is true for those in dependence mode – just flip those statements.

We come full circle with Jesus example of the life of a servant in humility in Philippians 2:1-11

Jesus didn’t demand His rights, He taught us how to depend on the Father and let Him lift you up in His time.

Humility is not thinking less of myself;

It is thinking more of others.

Humility is not putting myself down;

It is lifting God up.

Humility is not denying my strengths;

It is being openly honest about my weaknesses.

Humility is seeing without Christ I can do nothing,

But in Christ I can do all things! Tom Holladay

The Ministry of A Servant

1 Peter 4:7-11

PRAY WITH FOCUS

- be clear minded – get away from all the distractions, the defeating thoughts, the feelings of hopelessness. Concentrate on the goal – to become more like Him!

- be self controlled – be patient and wait on Him. Don’t give into selfish tendencies, rely completely on his power to provide, refuse to take matters into your own hands and be a ‘do it yourselfer’!

LOVE EACH OTHER DEEPLY

Loving each other deeply is a spontaneous awareness of needs. My brother Lloyd is the most spontaneous brother I have and a great risk taker. He doesn’t like to stay in one place too long and God is using powerfully as he has been ministering on a short term project over the past six weeks in India and now South Africa. The deed doesn’t matter either here whether it is cleaning toilets or spending time with Seniors. It all comes back to putting our faith in action.

It is also the service of listening – this is what takes place after you people over, stop running around and visit! Listening is also refusing to jump in and offer advice unless asked.

USE YOUR GOD GIVEN GIFTS TO SERVE!! 1 Peter 4:10 ‘faithfully administer God’s grace in its various forms.

It is the type of service which will bring longevity and where the energy comes from the power of the Spirit not the flesh because one is being led by the promptings. True service will draw others, it will strengthen, heal and build this body of believers!!

I believe wholeheartedly also that if God is calling you to do something and you don’t feel gifted or ready, then that is the best opportunity for God to work and move… so get out of the way and let Him use you!

SPEAK THE VERY WORDS OF GOD Simply just start sharing the Word with one another

SERVE WITH THE STRENGTH GOD PROVIDES

It is not a list of things to do, but rather a process of discovery where God leads us to those things he calls us to follow through on so that He may receive the praise and the glory.

When we make the decision to serve, we have let go of the steering wheel of control.

What is service? Some would think it is a process where I jump through the right hoops to get the attention I deserve. It’s about my ministry getting the attention and profile it deserves. True service is about being real. My son Jordan had a stuffed animal, called ‘Bark, Bark’. One of my students in a previous ministry, Wendy Larsen, gave it to him –it was more often than not the one that always ended up in his bed. BB is real, he’s been through the wash quite a few times and he is pretty worn, but he is loved. It isn’t about how he’s been made, (he didn’t have cool sounds and he didn’t transform). However, he transformed in the eyes of the one who loved him…man even I liked Bark, Bark! When we are transformed by God, others will notice for all the right reasons…a life being changed more and more into the likeness of the selfless Jesus.

The Takeaway:

Service is about being used for His glory, not mine. It is picking up the towel in a ministry that comes from an unmistakable inner urging of the Spirit that cannot be denied.

Questions For Discussion

What is Jesus whispering in your ear? Do you recognize it?

Follow His voice passionately… Jesus wants to give you life to the full. To serve is to lay down your life and find His life in you.

What ambition can I give to God this week?

Whose need must I begin to notice this week?

Have I started to make faith a do-it yourself burden?

Love Must Be Sincere

There is a story of a woman who had some time in the airport before her flight, so she decided to pull out a good book after first buying a bag of cookies in the food court. She hardly noticed when a man sat beside her and began to read his newspaper. Seeing the cookies on the seat between them, she decided to open it up and take a cookie. In the next moment, she couldn’t help but notice but the man beside her reached inside the bag and helped himself to a cookie! Not wanting to create a scene, she decided to say nothing. For the next few minutes she would take a cookie and then he proceeded to do the same and one by one they went. She thought to herself….of all the nerve and her indignation continued to rise in her. When one cookie was left in the bag, he took it out and broke it in two and smiled as he gave her half. She thought, “it is truly amazing how some people will act.” At that moment, the announcement came that her flight was boarding. The man got up and headed toward the plane. The woman grabbed her purse, opened it to put her book away only to see her bag of cookies!!

Keeping our faith REAL! Say no to hypocrisy.

Matthew 7:1-4

Everyday we face choices that bring consequences with the people that know us with those inside and especially those outside of the faith. One of my hockey friends works in media relations. He was in Nashville, TN recently at a religious broadcaster’s conference and he shared with me how the hotel had a bar where he grabbed a pint. The bartender leaned over and shared with him how most people that were present there drank their alcoholic beverages in coffee cups! You know what he was thinking… “Christians, what a bunch of hypocrites!”

The truth is that a lot of Christians often feel trapped in hypocrisy. We want to give people a better impression of ourselves than we really are. Why? Well, you start to play the game and others are impressed. They think, wow, this guy has got some substance and we live to impress. We long for affirmation, but Paul asks the question best in Galatians 1:10 ‘Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? I think the confession we need to make to God is this: Dear Lord, I confess I have been spending too much time in the wrong closet! We need to be in the prayer closet or literally like my roommate Joel who literally went into his closet to pray to God.

How long do you stare at your clothes, thinking about what you are going to wear? Now, imagine if we took that same amount of time and thought about the things that God wants to clothe us in! Simply pray that God would clothe you in humility, in purity, in the righteousness of Christ alone.

Maybe today is the day where you shut down the show and say enough, the acting is over. I want to be free to be me. It is my heart’s desire to be the same person you see here standing before you on Sunday is the same person that I am when I show up at the hockey rink on a Thursday night.

I never forget asking a pastor when I was younger, ‘Why does your voice change when you speak from the pulpit....

Jesus said, ‘What goes into a man’s mouth does not make him ‘unclean’ but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him ‘unclean’.

Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7

If you get caught up in the game of always wondering what people think, that you will be forever chasing after that and trying to paint a better mask. Just say NO and live your life to impress God who sees through everything we do anyways. There is amazing freedom in living your life for an audience of one! To know that God deeply loves me, with whom I can live a life of incredible significance is enough for me and keeps me pressing onward and upward towards the high calling of God in Christ Jesus!

Keeping our LIVES real. Say yes to integrity

⁵You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, Matthew 7:5a

Integrity is removing the plank from our own eye. It’s not just enough to admit, I’ve got a board in my eye, to say, ‘Hey, I’m just being straight up with you, here are my issues, I’m definitely not a hypocrite.’ This type of response is similar to a person afraid to run a race who says, ‘well, at least I didn’t lose.’ Well what kind of response is that for the person who didn’t run! You didn’t RUN!! It would be like the disciples reprimanding Peter for not having enough faith and began to sink as Jesus called him out on the water. You didn’t WALK on water. You never took the risk! So, admitting that we all easily can be so hypocritical is a great first step. However if we were to stop there, it would be a real tragedy. So, integrity goes beyond admitting what I am to what I long by God’s grace to become.

Romans 12:9-21

Don’t just pretend that you love others. Really love them! Romans 12:9 NLT

Here is an interesting truth I discovered, “The one child who most bugs you is typically the child who is most like you!” So, a real growth area can be seeing what we don’t like in others become a motivation for our own need to change!

How amazing would it be if we allowed the faults and mistakes of others be a motivating factor for transformation in us as opposed to gossiping and telling everyone else just how brutal they are.

I know, my God that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity. I Chronicles 29:17

The fact that everyone one of these virtues is so easily put to the test in everyday life.

Hate what is evil, cling to what is good You can’t just decide in the moment that you are going to follow through on this. Integrity is the decision to make up your mind in advance to do the right thing.

• You don’t wait until you get in a conversation to speak the truth in love. You have to determine in your heart in advance to speak affirmation as opposed to criticism. I’m not friendly first thing in the morning with my kids especially with the constant barrage of questions. So, the key is just breathing the prayer in when my feet hit the floor and breathing out with blessing from the Spirit.
• The same is true with sexual purity and honesty. We can’t wait till we are tested in these areas to decide what we are going to do. The decision needs to be solidified in advance and believing the prayer that Paul prayed in 1 Corinthians 1:8 that He being God will be the one who keeps us strong. Another great step in keeping our commitments is telling someone else to keep us on track

Psalm 101:2,3

I will try to walk a blameless path, but how I need your help, especially in my own home, where I long to act as I should.

We need to be the same people in our homes as we are in the workplace as we are in the community.

There is a place where His power meets our willingness and we live in light of who we are: children of the King.

Admit your faults to one another and pray for each other. James 5:16 LB

OK, find the nearest person to you right now and admit your faults!

That could be downright scary, but in the presence of someone you can trust it can be the most freeing and empowering thing to do. When we bring sin to the light, we can expose it, we can actually deal with it and best yet, we can pray for freedom and deliverance from it. The key is to find someone who won’t just excuse your faults, but who with your honesty will also be challenged and uncomfortable about their own sin. If you can find a friend who will walk with you, pray with you, encourage you and sharpen you, you are a truly blessed person. If you haven’t, that is the first place to start. Integrity means I know that I can’t walk the walk alone.

Integrity is not just saying no to sin and refusing thoughts and actions that are not becoming of us. It is also learning to say yes to things that are honorable and awesome. Either way as we have already learned in this series we can do either well without his strength working in us and through us.

I also firmly believe that integrity is first saying yes to the Spirit of God, then no to sinful habits and not the other way around.

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.

Galatians 5:16

When you start saying yes to what is better, what is true, what is lovely, it just crowds out your life and leaves little room for the other crap to take root in your life.

Colossians 3 is another illustration of this truth because it is only as we set our hearts and minds on things above that we will have any power to put to death the impure desires and lust.

Saying NOW to mercy!

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Romans 12:10

then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

⁶"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.

Matthew 7:5b,6

One writer correctly identifies that tolerance is falsely defined as accepting without opinion or comment whatever choices another makes.

Jesus gave us the alternative to this and the teaching is mercy. He called us to be ‘nonjudgmental’ and by that he wanted us to remember that we all can easily succumb to sin and but by the grace of God, go I. The teaching of mercy reminds that no one is outside the circle of God’s grace, outside the boundaries of His forgiveness or the limits of my love.

Jesus really challenged us to live our lives with an incredible sense of mercy. In fact to the degree that we extend mercy is in direct relationship to the mercy we will experience and enjoy in God.

Matthew 6:14,15 “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

The point is this, ‘Mercy is not optional for the follower of Jesus.’

Now let’s be clear that we are not talking about the time that it takes to process our emotions and faith and feel forgiveness or making the decision to trust again. We are talking about going year after year with a lack of mercy and a conscious decision to choose not to forgive.

Of all three subjects that we have focused on, rejecting hypocrisy, choosing integrity and saying NOW to mercy, mercy takes the most courage because once again you do open yourself up to rejection.

When we learn to trust God as the ultimate judge, the less judgmental we will become.

People who act as though they’ve never sinned are the most judgmental people on earth

Those who think the only sins they’ve committed are ‘little sins’ are the most condemning people you’ll ever meet.

Tom Holladay

I think all too often we forget the amazing grace that God has displayed in our lives and when we start to do that we are no good to anyone! So, go back to the microscope, get really honest with yourself and God there and when you have found the hope, the freedom, the love and the welcoming arms of God the Father, then go talk to others!

The Takeaway

The only hope that I have to speak into my friend’s life is only after I have first gone under the microscope of His judgment and found the mercy and grace there.

Questions For Discussion

1. Is there any area of your life where you are most susceptible to wearing a mask?

2. Who in your life can you admit your faults to and be confident that they will pray for you?

3. Why are so easily given to judge others?

4. To whom can I show mercy this week?

Speaking The Truth In Love

Communication experts say that the words we speak to others can actually produce six different messages! Those messages include what you meant to say, what you actually said, what the other person heard, what the other person thought they heard, what they say to others about what you said and what you think the other person said about what you said. It reminds me of that crazy game we played as kids called, ‘telephone’. Things can get distorted really quickly and I think that is why Jesus stressed the importance of letting our yes be yes and our no simply no! Paul also gave us great instruction on how we communicate. We will reinforce how the foundation for speaking truth is trust, how communication comes from the heart and for truth to really take hold, it must be done with honesty.

The FOUNDATION – Trust is the place to start

So, how important is our yes and no’s. Probably the easiest way to illustrate this is in the context of parenting. For example, if I tell my child that yes, we will go to the park today and that is later changed to no, no matter how good the reason might be, the trust factor takes a hit in his eyes. Now, the next time I talk about going to the park, he will probably not be satisfied with a simple yes. He will continue to probably ask the question because doubt has surfaced and he will look for reassurance. Truth is eroded by lies.

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. Ephesians 4:25

Lies are told in the absence of trust. We lie because of the fear of consequences. We lie to give others a sense of reassurance. However, the verse teaches us why we must put it off, it’s about ‘body life’. If one member of the body is suffering by living up to false expectations, than the whole body suffers! If we cannot own up to who we really are then we create this false illusion. So, when someone is really suffering and desperately wanting to tell the truth, they don’t and they suffer in silence. WHY? They start to believe that I must be the only one who has this kind of thought or has acted in this way. When this happens in the body, the body then begins to become paralyzed from any real feeling.

When someone in the body owns up to a lie, we need to provide the pathway back to fellowship, trust and restoration.

In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4:26,27

Anger is a strong human emotion and a perfect response to the pain of sin. However, when anger is attached to a person who has disappointed us, it can be used by the enemy to destroy us. We open ourselves up to bitterness when we choose to hold on to the offences that were done to hurt us. The fact is that the offences keep hurting us. Jesus calls us to teach and learn the pathway back to trust. The application of letting our yes be yes and our no be no is powerful.

28He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.
No, I can’t accept what you are doing. Yes, here is a new way to do things.

Ephesians4:29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

No, you cannot talk like that.

Yes, this is the way to respect others.

We learned so much yesterday about the power of affirmation, but notice that it is done for their benefit, not ours. It must be free of manipulation

2 degrees steps toward this: (John Trent)

Yes, we will pray together on Sunday nights after the kids are in bed before the TV is turned on or even the dishes are done and the lunches are made…

Yes, I’ll keep my promise to take you to the park. What is one project that you have promised to do, let your yes be yes and do it this week.

Yes, I’ll spend time really listening to you….whether that is the Lord, your spouse, your child.
And if in the honesty of a real conversation, painful things are revealed, then be honest.
No, I never realized how much I hurt you

HARD OR SOFT – The condition of your heart

Ephesians 4:17So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.

Our behaviour has everything to do with our heart and its sensitivity to sin. The downward spiral begins with believing lies and goes straight to the heart where sin becomes blatant but we are unaffected in our attitude or response to it.

Graydon shared yesterday about how he created his drop ceiling in his basement. He cut the metal strips that hold each section with a blade that obviously wasn’t meant to go through metal. He told us after he got the job done that he noticed a number of teeth in the blade were missing and that reminds me of how our conscience works or the lack of one. As we continue to accept the lies from our culture, our conscience loses teeth and the Holy Spirit is grieved.

Ephesians 4:30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

It sounds easy enough, but it is a lot harder to practice….WHY? Well because,
Jesus said, ‘Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks’. Matthew 12:34

So, when we say something that earns an unpleasant reaction, we might catch ourselves saying, wait, I really didn’t mean that. So, then what do we often do? We don’t say anything at all.
Here are some 2 degree changes in this area as well.

1. Learn to pray for the other person before you speak
2. Wait until after you have eaten, but not too late to have a difficult conversation. Studies show that tiredness, hunger and low blood sugar can create more tension and irritability
3. Use owning statements instead of blaming statements…This is how I feel when...

THIS DOES NOT BECOME YOU - Learning to live with honest reflection

This is a statement that Sharon used to use on me and it is the same argument that Paul is using here in Ephesians 4:20
20You, however, did not come to know Christ that way.
This selfish behaviour that you are displaying right now…well, for one it isn’t pleasant to watch and this is not who you are. In all honesty, I didn’t really appreciate the fact that Sharon was calling me on my behaviour at the time, but deep down I knew she was right and I learned, I retrained my mind to remember who I’m supposed to be!
21Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

The only way that I can do that is to recognize I don’t have it, constantly pray for it, desperately ask God for it and watch HIM work!

One of the best visuals we got yesterday was from Gary Smalley and he showed us this cardboard cut out sign that he holds up to the Lord now as a reminder at the beginning of each day. It said HELP ME, Please! Please! I have a broken tongue, hands, legs. I’m totally bankrupt.

We pray until one of two things happen: God changes the situation or God changes me.

Speaking the truth in love is not easy, but it is so much more beneficial than just ‘being nice’.

Anyone can be nice and tell you what you want to hear or reassure you that oh, you’re not that bad. However, real honesty may mean rejection. Jesus was honest with the rich young ruler and he faced rejection. However, at the same time it can bring joyful acceptance as it did with Peter when Jesus asked do you also want to go too.
Peter shared to whom else will we go, for you have the words of eternal life in John 6:60

To invite others to communicate with real honesty is hard, but it is life changing. It is not for the timid and it takes great courage and involves risk. However those who live by it know that it is worth it for the potential and hope that it has to offer.

‘You didn’t take his life, He gave it’ is a very powerful quote from the movie, ‘The End of The Spear’. It is in that moment that Stephen Saint has an incredible revelation about his father. It was his father who told him as a son that if they were attacked, they would not fight back. They knew Jesus and we’re prepared to die but these people needed to find the same hope.

While you may not have the ability to heal someone physically with your words, there is no doubt your words can heal a relationship, heal someone’s faith, heal a broken heart, heal a shattered hope. Tom Holladay

15Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. Ephesians4:16From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

A ligament is a strong band of tissue that connects ends of bones together at a joint. They act to limit the amount of movement that can occur at a joint, therefore they keep your joints stable.
If you tear a ligament in your body (sprain), the joint will become less stable. Ligaments need time to heal, and in the meantime you will have to be very careful with your joint so that you do not cause further damage.

If a ligament is torn in half, you will most likely require surgery to repair it.

The reality of speaking the truth in love is that it may prevent movement or even slow down movement, but in the end it will keep the relationship stable and ultimately allow the body of Christ to move forward. The strong band of tissue creates good tension and makes the ligament stronger

When we disregard the truth we can cause more damage like a torn MCL or ACL

We can actually impede movement and set the body of Christ further back.
Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

2 degree change:

Is there someone this week that I need to risk an honest conversation with? If yes, spend the first five days praying about it.

If the answer is NO
Who needs to hear words of healing from me? Identify who it is and begin to even ask God for a verse for them.

The Takeaway:
It takes courage, risk and prayer to communicate the truth in love like Jesus.


Questions For Discussion:

1. In what ways am I using my words to either erode or build trust?
2. Is there someone who I need to risk to have an honest conversation with? If there is a person, begin by praying the first five days for them.
3. Who needs to hear words of healing from me? Identify who it is and begin to even ask God for a verse for them.