Forgiveness

As the weather slowly turns warmer we get into project mode again or that time known as ‘Spring cleaning’. What is the room that we want to tackle first in our home? Well, we are going to look at seven words to strengthen your family. The acid test of our faith usually is found in talking to the people that know us the best, the ones who see the good, the bad and the ugly. When it comes to families, I think a lot of people feel that it is what it is. The truth doesn’t always come out in a conversation. However, it is in the heart that one may feel that there son is too far gone or never dream that they could have a better relationship with their spouse. Today’s word for families is forgiveness.

I know the pain of alienation and unforgiveness have experienced it as a brother. I know how much it hurts to bring unresolved issues back up. We all live with regrets in moments of desperation and we say, “I don’t know where that came from?” But His Word teaches us in Matthew 12:34, that ‘out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks”.

We all acknowledge that the people who can hurt us the most are the people who are the closest to us, those who we have seen us with our guard down. No one can hurt you more than your own family as evidenced by the life of David’s own son Absalom.

It was Absalom who murdered his half-brother for raping his sister Tamar. Later Absalom became so jealous of his father that he turned his most trusted advisors against him and chased David from his throne. So, there we find David in exile again with the remains of his faithful army. In 2 Samuel 18, two runners give David an update on the battle and all he wants to know is whether his son is OK, forget about the battle, forget about the victory, how about my son….yes, the one who wants me dead.

As v33 shows, there is no more pain greater than family pain.

One magazine asked this question, “What would you rather have: five extra hours a week at home or ten thousand dollars a year?” 83% took the money.

Hope for your family begins when we call sin sin! v8,10

1 John 1:8 If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.

It starts with you.


When we are ready to sit down and honestly see ourselves for who we really are and our part in the mud bath we are not going to experience the grace of God in transformation. As long as we call sin a weakness or that’s just the way I am, we put up the road block to forgiveness.

Ownership is the first key to forgiveness and admitting my neglect, my avoidance of the issue, my refusal to live according to His Word….when I fudge the Word of God to ease my conscience.

People say well, Jack, the issue is communication. However, what is the deeper issue when we don’t talk to each other?

Pride – the root issue is sin. Don’t tell me you can’t communicate guys. We can all communicate with our buddies about sports, weather, you name it. It is pride that keeps us from opening up to the point where we starve each other emotionally and find affirmation from others.

Finances – the #2 issue they say, but in reality it is sin again. The deeper problem is usually materialism, the spending problems happen when things replace people. You can label the entire folder SIN…discipline issues, intimacy issues…it is SIN.

In that place of conflict, we either turn into bulls in a china shop and run rough shod over each other or we become a hedgehog as you would learn in the marriage course.

Only God can change and transform our families.

Psalm 127:1 Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.

Hope for the family continues when we choose to live in the light. v7

To live in the light means that we are going to have to show vulnerability and a willingness to be open about our lives.

Here at the church I keep my office door open unless I am in a private and confidential conversation or in a real time crunch. An open door communicates that I am always ready to listen. I do not want to miss divine appointments. It is the same in our homes as we can choose to live with transparency and keep the lines of communication open or choose to live behind closed doors so no one really knows what is going on.



Hope for the family is solidified in a spirit of forgiveness v9

It is the basis for fellowship. In verse 3 John shares that the reason we proclaim this hope is in order to experience community and make our joy complete

This past week I was watching the results show for American Idol and it was as blatant Christianity as you can get with a Christian band singing, The Clark brothers singing, ‘this little light of mine’ and Dolly Parton singing about Jesus and gravity. Yes, she is still around.

One thing really caught my attention was when they take live questions from people across the country. The person asked Simon, ‘why do you feel the need to apologize when you give a negative critique to a contestant?’ He responded by saying, ‘Your right, I will not apologize again’

You see an apology admits a sympathetic heart. To not apologize or admit any wrong in judgment opens no door for fellowship. Now I realize that this is just a show, but it characterizes the natural human tendancy to rear its ugly head called pride!

When I choose to make a judgment call on one of my children without first opening the door for error, I choose being right over being connected. To be connected means that I will walk in love and a spirit of forgiveness.

We can be either be filled with pride ….which is just being full of myself or filled with joy …which is the end result of writing about all of this for John.

The point of this letter - TO MAKE OUR JOY COMPLETE.

Psalm 16:11 In His presence is fullness of joy. John 15 It is as we abide in Christ, in that fellowship that our joy is complete.

With no forgiveness, there can be no fellowship and without fellowship, we are easily led down a path of self destruction. We hate feeling guilty, disconnected, empty and alone and long for acceptance and love. To choose to live without forgiveness in our lives opens us up to painful addictions and substitutes.

The spirit of forgiveness can only be released in confession.

What does confession mean:

Coming to the end of oneself
dependence on God
self examination
honesty with others
confession of sin and character defects
restitution for harm done
working with others

Jesus didn’t die just for His friends or good people. Mart De Haan

He died for people like Mary Magdalene who was suffering from being possessed by seven demons. He died for people caught in their self destructive desires.

Forgiveness is a decision to release a person from the obligation that resulted when they injured you. James MacDonald

Matthew 18:21….the whole 70x7 thing…the point with forgiveness is that we don’t keep track.

To not forgive allows us to guard ourselves with those layers of self protection, but it has the opposite effect, it drives us further into emotional and spiritual pain.

Forgiveness is not:
encouraging the person to continue their same pattern of behavior
keeping yourself in a place of harm
being responsible to bail them out from negative choices.


To truly forgive someone is to treat them as if the offense never happened in the first place. It is hard to bring that up again isn’t it?

Jesus took upon Himself the offence of the cross.


Joe’s Stowell’s made a great insight on forgiveness and the significance of why David was inspired in Psalm 103:12 to write so far is the east is from the west as opposed to the north and south. North and South are fixed points, east and west are not.


The benefits of forgiveness have shown that:
Forgiving people are more stable and have stronger romantic and platonic relationships.
Forgiving people have fewer cardiovascular problems, fewer heart attacks, less stress which strengthens the immune system.

Forgiveness filters into facial expression, body posture and general wellbeing in life. It sounds like John knew what he was talking about.

Takeaway

Real joy in the family can only happen when there is true confession and forgiveness.

That means we call sin sin, we don’t try to hide things from each other and we have the grace to forgive.

Go open concept with your home…. start today by building bridges of forgiveness not walls of contempt.


Questions For Discussion and Small Groups:

1. Why is forgiveness easy enough to grasp but so hard to live out?

2. What amazes you most about God’s forgiveness? Do you really believe it? How do you know?

3. A personal exercise. Get a pad of paper and spend some time on your knees prayerfully considering who you may still need to forgive. Ask God to search your heart and reveal that to you. As their names come to mind, write down the specific thing they did to injure you and how their actions have negatively affected your life. Then declare your forgiveness for that person and burn the sheet as a statement of finality